What does it truly mean to feel safe in someone else's presence? 

In the world of the interpersonal neurosciences, we call this concept felt-safety. Felt-safety is the ongoing unconscious process where by our nervous system assesses if we are safe or not safe. And, as with most things having to do with the brain, it is complicated. 

Robyn Gobbel helps us understand that felt-safety is assessed on the inside of our bodies, in the outside of our environment, and in the in-between of our relationships. She calls this the river of the present. The river of the present is then me by the river of the past, which includes all your memories, both conscious and unconscious which contribute to your view of the world. These mental models or core beliefs make up about 80 percent of what drives your behaviors. When the river of the present and the river of the past meet, you subjectively have a sense of felt-safety or danger.

So, why is this so important in parenting? Well. your children's behaviors are often baffling. When you don't understand your child’s experience of felt-safety, it makes parenting more difficult. Understanding can bring coherence and self-regulation to your nervous system. 

If you are struggling to understand your child's behavior, then give me a call. I offer a free phone consultation to see if I am the right therapist for you or your family. 

(626) 755-4059 

My motto: I help parents become the healers in the home. www.welcomehomefamilytherapy.com