What If Your Child’s “Bad Behavior” Is Actually a Nervous System in Survival Mode?
Understanding Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn, and Flop Responses in Parenting
As a seasoned therapist and recovering strict parent, I know how painful and confusing it can feel when your child’s behavior seems out of control.
Maybe your child lashes out in anger at the smallest request. Maybe they melt down over things that “shouldn’t” be a big deal. Or maybe they go completely silent, shutting down, refusing to engage. You’ve tried consequences, reasoning, even positive reinforcement, but nothing sticks.
And worst of all? You're left feeling like you're failing as a parent.
At Welcome Home Family Therapy, I offer online family therapy in California to help parents like you—those raising complex, deeply feeling, neurodivergent children who often don’t respond to traditional parenting tools. My work centers around understanding how developmental trauma, nervous system dysregulation, and attachment wounds shape behavior—and how healing starts with us, the parents.
These Reactions Aren’t Manipulation. They’re Protection.
What looks like defiance, avoidance, or apathy is often your child’s nervous system doing exactly what it’s wired to do: survive. When the brain senses danger (and for children with trauma histories, this can be something as subtle as a tone of voice or a missed cue), it activates one of five common responses:
Fight – yelling, hitting, name-calling, arguing back
Flight – running away, leaving the room, slamming doors
Freeze – shutting down, going quiet, avoiding eye contact
Fawn – excessive compliance, people-pleasing, trying to “keep the peace”
Flop – collapsing, giving up, appearing lazy or totally unmotivated
These reactions are not choices. They’re autonomic, instinctive responses shaped by nervous system patterning—especially in children who’ve experienced early trauma, loss, sensory overload, or chronic stress.
Why Traditional Parenting Tools Often Backfire
If you’re parenting a child with developmental trauma or sensory sensitivity, traditional discipline strategies often do more harm than good. Time-outs feel like abandonment. Consequences escalate the stress. “Just calm down” sounds like a threat to a brain in survival mode.
What your child needs most in those moments isn’t correction—it’s connection.
This is the foundation of the work I do through online family therapy in California. I teach parents how to recognize the stress response in both their child and themselves, and how to respond not with more control—but with more regulation, more safety, and more attunement.
You’re Not the Problem—But You Are the Answer
Here’s the truth that breaks many parents open (in a good way): your child’s healing doesn’t require you to be perfect—it requires you to be present.
When you begin to understand the brain-body connection, when you can pause during a storm and offer your child co-regulation instead of punishment, something shifts. The rupture still happens—it’s part of being human—but now, so does the repair.
In my practice, I integrate interpersonal neurobiology (IPNB), polyvagal theory, trauma-informed care, and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to support families in building safer, stronger connections. We focus on nervous system safety, not just behavior management. We rewire the relational patterns that keep families stuck—and create new ones grounded in trust, safety, and belonging.
Why Online Family Therapy in California Works
Therapy doesn’t have to happen in an office with a couch and a clock on the wall. In fact, for many overwhelmed families, online family therapy is more effective.
You don’t need to wrangle the kids into the car or carve out a full day to find support. From the comfort of your own home, we can create real, lasting change. Whether you’re in Los Angeles, San Diego, Sacramento, or a small rural town, online family therapy in California is accessible, flexible, and tailored to your needs.
And because I’ve spent more than 30 years working in child welfare and family systems, I understand how complex and layered this journey can be. You’re not starting from scratch. You’re building on what’s already inside you: a deep love for your child and a desire to do things differently.
Let’s Talk—Your Family’s Healing Can Start Here
If you’re exhausted from power struggles... if your child’s meltdowns feel like emotional landmines... if you’re grieving the relationship you wish you had with your child... it doesn’t have to stay this way.
We can slow it all down. We can make sense of the chaos. We can begin to co-create a home where both you and your child feel safe enough to grow, heal, and connect.
Call Abby today at (626) 755-4059. I offer a free, hour-long consultation to see if we’re the right fit www.welcomehomefamilytherapy.com My motto:
I help parents become the healers in the home.
FAQs – Online Family Therapy in California
What ages of children do you work with?
I work with parents of children across the lifespan—from young kids to teens and even adult children—especially in families impacted by adoption, trauma, or neurodivergence.
What if my child doesn’t want to participate?
That’s okay. I often begin working directly with parents. Your growth and regulation are what shape the environment your child lives in. When parents change, kids do too—often more quickly than you'd expect.
Do you take insurance?
I am a private-pay provider. This allows us to focus on deep, customized work without the limitations of diagnosis-driven models. Many of my clients seek reimbursement through out-of-network benefits.
How is online therapy different from in-person therapy?
Besides the convenience, online therapy allows us to meet in the space where parenting actually happens—your home. It helps me understand the real dynamics and gives you more flexibility to engage in the work.
Is this approach right for my family?
If you’ve tried everything else and still feel stuck, my approach may offer the shift you’re looking for. I blend brain-based science with relational repair, grounded in years of experience supporting parents raising complex kids.