Parenting Therapy for the Preteen Years: Staying Connected When Your Child Starts Pulling Away
Parenting a preteen (ages 9–13) can feel like you’ve suddenly woken up in a new country—same child, but the language, customs, and rules have all changed. After more than 30 years of doing parenting therapy with families across California—and raising three neurodiverse, now-grown daughters myself—I know just how disorienting this stage can feel.
One of my daughters, in her preteen years, would go completely silent at dinner. I’d try to make conversation, and she’d give me one-word answers… until I stopped trying so hard. Then, like magic, she’d open up while I was quietly folding laundry or driving her to practice. That’s when I learned: connection isn’t always about big talks. It’s about finding those small, safe, unpressured moments where your child feels ready to let you in.
Why Preteens Feel So Different
In my Parent Coaching Grounded in Brain Science, I help parents understand that these shifts—friends becoming the priority, dips in self-confidence, and shorter conversations—are normal. But normal doesn’t mean easy. Parenting therapy can help you hold onto connection even as your child is learning to stand on their own two feet.
When Neurodiversity Brings Bigger Feelings
If your child has ADHD, autism, or giftedness, you already know emotions can run high. In Family Counseling for Parents of ADHD and Family Counseling for Gifted/2e, I help you understand your child’s unique wiring so you can respond with empathy instead of frustration—and still keep firm, loving boundaries in place.
Parenting with Past Hurts in the Room
Sometimes the preteen years don’t just push your buttons—they push old wounds. In Online Family Trauma Therapy, we work on keeping the past from hijacking your parenting in the present. If your child joined your family through adoption, my Post-Adoption Services focus on building trust during these identity-shaping years, when belonging can feel complicated.
It’s Not Just About the Kids
In Online Family Therapy in California, we look at the whole family system because preteen challenges ripple out to everyone. And if you feel like you’re barely hanging on yourself, Online Parent Therapy When Parenting Is Hard gives you a safe space to slow down, breathe, and reset your nervous system so you can show up steady for your child.
When You’re Parenting from Two Homes
If you and your child’s other parent aren’t under the same roof, the preteen years can bring extra stress. My Co-Parenting Therapy helps you create consistency, so your child knows exactly what to expect—no matter which home they’re in that week.
From Power Struggles to Connection
Whether we meet once to troubleshoot a tough situation or work together more deeply, my goal is simple: to help you see your child clearly, respond in ways that build trust, and feel steady enough to guide them through the turbulence of these years.
You don’t have to figure this out alone. Parenting therapy gives you the tools, perspective, and encouragement to make these years less about battles and more about building the kind of relationship that will carry you both into the teen years and beyond.
How do I get started?
We will have a brief screening phone call and if it feels right, we will schedule an hour-long, free phone consultation to see if we are a good match for therapy. This is my offering to you, at a time when you are struggling the most.
Book a free Discovery Call
FAQs
What is parenting therapy, and how is it different from family therapy?
Parenting therapy focuses on you—your skills, strategies, and emotional regulation—so you can better support your child. In Online Family Therapy in California, we involve the whole household, but parenting therapy zeroes in on your role as the steady, safe leader in your child’s life.
Can parenting therapy help if my preteen won’t talk to me?
Yes. In parent coaching grounded in brain science, I teach ways to connect indirectly, so your child feels safe enough to open up on their own terms.
How does parenting therapy work for ADHD or gifted children?
In Family Counseling for Parents of ADHD and Neurodiversity and Family Counseling for Gifted/2e, we focus on how your child’s brain processes information and emotions so you can respond in ways that actually work for them.
What if I’m divorced or co-parenting?
In Co-Parenting Therapy, I help you and your child’s other parent create consistency in rules, routines, and emotional safety—critical for preteens.
Can parenting therapy help if my child has experienced trauma or adoption?
Absolutely. In Online Family Trauma Therapy and Post-Adoption Services, we focus on strengthening attachment, healing trust, and creating a sense of belonging during these identity-shaping years.
What can I do while waiting for therapy to start?
My mentor, Robyn Gobbel, has an amazing blog for parents. You can check out her book on raising kids with big, baffling behaviors. With this reading, or audio listening, you can learn about how we will work together and we can hit the ground running.
Deserve Support: Contact Abby
We will have a brief screening phone call and if it feels right, we will schedule an hour-long, free phone consultation to see if we are a good match for therapy. This is my offering to you, at a time when you are struggling the most.
Book a free Discovery Call