Parenting Preschool & School-Aged Kids: A Neuroscience Approach to ConnectionConnected Family Therapy – Supporting Parents Across California
Parenting children ages 3 to 9 can feel like a daily rollercoaster. One morning might start with joy and laughter, and by the afternoon, you’re managing tears at school drop-off, endless homework reminders, and constant negotiations over chores and bedtime. You love your child deeply, yet you end many days feeling drained, guilty, and unsure if you’re getting it right.
From my perspective as a therapist specializing in online parent therapy in California, and drawing on the principles of interpersonal neuroscience, I see these struggles not simply as “behavior problems” but as opportunities to understand what your child’s nervous system—and yours—are trying to communicate.
Why These Years Feel So Intense
Preschool- and school-aged children are navigating big developmental leaps—academically, socially, and emotionally. This growth also brings challenges:
Separation anxiety at drop-off, leaving you torn between reassuring them and holding your own emotions.
Organization issues, such as forgotten homework or messy backpacks, requiring constant reminders.
Growing independence, with a push-pull between wanting freedom and needing reassurance.
When your child struggles, their brain is signaling a need for safety and connection. When you’re already overwhelmed, your own nervous system can slip into fight, flight, or shutdown—making it harder to respond in the way you want.
My Approach: Parenting Through a Neuroscience Lens
Interpersonal neuroscience teaches us that behavior is a reflection of nervous system state. In therapy, we work to help you:
Recognize your own nervous system cues.
Stay grounded in high-stress moments.
Offer co-regulation so your child’s brain feels safe enough to cooperate and learn.
These strategies are not about perfection. They’re about returning to connection—again and again—even after challenging moments.
If your child’s challenges are influenced by ADHD or neurodivergence, you may benefit from Family Counseling for Parents of ADHD and Neurodiversity. For gifted or twice-exceptional children, who may show heightened sensitivity and big emotions, explore Family Counseling for Gifted/2e.
Parents navigating adoption-related transitions can find support through Post-Adoption Services, where we address the unique attachment needs of adopted children. If you and your co-parent are struggling to stay on the same page, Co-parenting Therapy Near Me offers tools to reduce conflict and build consistency.
If you want to deepen your understanding of brain-based parenting overall, visit Parent Coaching Grounded in Brain Science for strategies rooted in the latest research. For full-family work, Online Family Therapy in California offers a space to build connection together.
My Motto: I help parents become the healers in the home.
We will have a brief screening phone call, and if it feels right, we will schedule an hour-long, free phone consultation to see if we are a good match for therapy. This is my offering to you, at a time when you are struggling the most.
Book a free Discovery Call: Click here
FAQs
Why is my child’s behavior so unpredictable at this age?
Children ages 3 to 9 are developing rapidly. Their brains are still learning how to regulate emotions, manage transitions, and balance independence with connection.
Why do I lose my patience so quickly?
When you’re under stress, your own nervous system can move into survival mode. This is a biological response, not a moral failing.
What if I’ve been reacting this way for years?
It’s never too late to repair. Consistent moments of reconnection can rebuild trust, even if patterns have been long-standing.
Does this approach work for neurodivergent children?
Yes. In fact, brain-based, regulation-first parenting is especially effective for children with ADHD, autism, or sensory sensitivities.
How is this different from traditional parenting advice?
Instead of focusing solely on behavior management, we address the nervous system states driving those behaviors—yours and your child’s.
What can I do while waiting for therapy to start?
My mentor, Robyn Gobble, has an amazing podcast, "The Baffling Behavior Show." She take the science of being human and applies it to the parent-child relationship. You can listen to her podcast here.
Final Thoughts
Parenting during the preschool and school-age years can be demanding, but it’s also a rich opportunity to strengthen your bond with your child. By understanding how your nervous system and your child’s work together, you can move from constant conflict to more moments of connection, trust, and mutual respect.
Let’s Work Together: Contact Abby
You don’t have to do this alone. Parent coaching can give you the tools, support, and confidence to handle even the toughest parenting moments.
We will have a brief screening phone call, and if it feels right, we will schedule an hour-long, free phone consultation to see if we are a good match for therapy. This is my offering to you, at a time when you are struggling the most.
Book a free Discovery Call: Click here