This kid just doesn’t make sense.
How is it that my child behaves so badly?
Brain-based parent coaching therapy could be the answer. You have found me because you are at your wit’s end. You have tried everything, relying on parenting the way you grew up. As it turns out, lots has changed in the parenting world in the past ten years. What we knew before about rewards and consequences, punishments, and incentives, just does not hold water to the new science around brain development and parenting.
What do we know now, that can help you become a more regulated, connected, and safe parent?
Children come into this world with a fully formed accelerator active in their nervous system. The reflexes and signals from an infant clue the parent into meeting their needs when the cry and act in distress. Over the course of development, infants and children rely on parents to meet their needs. Through countless moments of parental comforting and soothing, children create pathways in their brains to self-regulate, or grow the break part of the nervous system. This this process is called co-regulation. All self-regulation is the process on internalized co-regulation.
Connection is a biological imperative. Humans cannot survive in isolation. The infant’s cry is a signal to the parent to come close. Through connection, a healthy attachment is formed. The infant internalized an image of the parent that allows them to venture out further, knowing that they have a safe base, to welcome them home. Strong connection allows for independence and responsibility at an appropriate developmental level. A connected parent-child relationship lays the foundation for self-confidence, self-esteem, identity, curiosity, and self-compassion.
Every human is born with the innate neurobiology to assess safety and danger. This process is called Neuroception. It happens on three levels: the inside (interoception), the outside (environment), and the in-between (relationships). This is an unconscious process which is why parents are often confused by their child’s behavior. It is hard to know at any given moment what might be triggering a complex or complicated response from a child. This can leave parents dazed and confused.
Working with Abby:
When you come to work with me, as a parent of a complex and challenging child, you will be introduced to the latest research about brain-based parenting. You will gain appreciation for the way the brain drives behavior When you change the way you see your child, your child will change.
Calming Your Brain:
We will work together on parent self-regulation because a dysregulated parent cannot regulate a dysregulated child. You will learn tools and strategies to stay connected to yourself in a moment of crisis, zooming out to see the big picture. You will learn to notice your dysregulation early in the cycle, where it is easiest to change your response. Embedded in this work will be brain balancing movements and activities to grow the foundation of your brain for better self-regulation and a practice of self-compassion to ease your suffering. This will have a tremendous impact on the way you choose to be with your child.
Strengthening Your Relationship:
Together, our work will include activities to grow the connection between you and your child. You will learn to practice "Mind, Body, and Soul Time," daily with your child. This will help to proactively fill their emotional backpack, to decrease the meltdowns. You will learn the value of connecting with your child before you correct them for improved cooperation. You will learn to talk your child’s love language and how to use encouragement to build your connection. Compassion becomes the treatment as every child needs to feel seen by their parent as inherently lovable. It is never too late to bond with your child and a secure attachment is the foundation for a regulated child who feels safe.
Safety is the treatment. You will become an expert in reading the cues of danger that your child is sending you. You will learn about the different levels of arousal in your child that clue you into how frightened they are. All humans move up the fear and arousal continuum from safe to alert, alarm, fear, and terror. You will learn to recognize the signs of these different levels of arousal in your child, learning ways to offer cues of safety. You will learn to notice and change your expressions, posture, tone, and volume of voice. This will help to meet your child’s unmet needs to feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure.